I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
