On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
