these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
