We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
