i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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