There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
