if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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