Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Help. Why am I so naked?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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