you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
