my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
