i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
