Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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