my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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