the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize