Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
