So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
