I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
