The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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