I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
