What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
