So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
