Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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