its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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