Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
