WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
