actually, I'm a sock model
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
