i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
