I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
