Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
