Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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