It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
