o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So many bounce houses so little time
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
