i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.