Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying