i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
