She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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