not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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