need another drink. this is the easiest way
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
