he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
