After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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