i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
