it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
