saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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