I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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