Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
