Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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