we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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