They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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