I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
