I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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