Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
