Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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