But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
