drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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