i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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