in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
