would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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