shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.