Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
